I have been fortunate in my life to have supportive people who helped me at times when I felt I could not go on. One of these people was a Christian counselor who was with me through thick and thin. Her name is Jackie and to this day I am so thankful for her persistence and help. She really helped me take a good honest look at myself. She was a gift from God to me. I wrote this poem to pay tribute to her. It was written in 1998. Thanks again, Jackie.
As in so many times of sessions gone by,
You site before me and look in my eyes.
You challenge me to explore the anger and pain,
to pick up the pieces and try once again.
You know deep inside is a person of worth,
A talent, a gift God placed there at birth.
But as I search inward to look at my pain,
I’m angry and hurting, “What is there to gain?”
I’m sarcastic and sigh, clinch my fists and shout,
“This isn’t working could someone PLEASE help me out.
I’m unreasonable and agitated and mad as can be.
My reality is distorted and I can’t really see.
“Love yourself, accept yourself, take care of your inner child.”
Psychological “mumbo jumbo”, it makes me go wild.
I want to fix it right now so I can go on my way,
And have my life back by the end of the day.
You must look and me and think, “They don’t pay me enough,
To deal with this woman and put up with THIS stuff.”
But I pause and remember that you carry inside,
Your own set of scars that you wanted to hide.
I see in your eyes not judgment, but care,
For you remember how hard it was to be there.
I guess it’s called having credentials or more
It just lets me know you’ve been there before.
Though different dilemmas and different pain,
The”eye of the storm” affects us often the same.
I know you are touched by the losses I’ve felt,
And you think it’s a difficult hand I’ve been dealt.
When I look at your face and see the tears in your eyes,
It touches a cord of my soul deep inside.
Thank You for validating, it was really a blow.
I can now look at my feelings and then let them go.
So I tuck it away an accepted part of me.
From the past of my life, I’m finally free.
Have I said “thank you,” enough? The answer is no,
Without you along, how would it go?
You’re an extension of God’s hand in a lonely place,
And you give of your insight in a way of such grace.
Thank you for the honesty when I didn’t want to hear.
That the biggest obstacle was right in here.
I’m exhausted when I remember the places I’ve been,
And how the most difficult journey comes from within.
But with your support and encouragement that I weekly get,
I’m positive the road to recovery is set.
Those days were very difficult and with the help of Jackie and others and most of all my heavenly Father, I have recovered. For those struggling with a painful past, know that there is hope. Sometimes the journey is longer than we want but it will get better. There is no way out but to go through. First of all seek and accept the help of God. Also seek godly counseling and support of friends. You will make it! I did and so will you!
Lynn Radke April 23, 2012