I wrote this prayer of thanksgiving and praise to God on November 2, 1999 after 5, long ,difficult , and painful years. Dear one, He is faithful!
I stand before You in quietness of spirit. I am now ready to let You guide me. I have let go of the past with all of its disappointment and shame. I have let go of relationships that are unhealthy.
And so , I stand before You, holding onto nothing but You. It’s You and me Lord. Oh, the struggle was hard, I thought I would not survive. Some suffering I inflicted on myself as a way to try to get rid of the pain. But You told me I had to feel the pain. I had to go through it. It was the quickest way.
How little did I know when I prayed, “Lord change me,” what all of that entailed. It probably was good not to know what the future held, for if I had known the path I was to walk, I couldn’t have done it. Instead day by day You took my hand, in such love, and You walked with me. You protected me from the hazards of the way and You carried me when I couldn’t walk anymore. And through the deepest pain I could imagine, You were there.
I feel You have molded me in this fashion for a greater purpose. Maybe it is to be a helper to just one other person who literally can not see a reason to hope even on the brightest sunny day. Maybe it is just to do the work I do as I help others face their mortality.
Whatever it is, be it small or grand, may it bring glory to you, the only one who can walk with us THROUGH the difficult times in our lives. Truly, as Your word says,”You never leave us or forsake us.” May You continue to affirm to my soul that You are the God who spoke the world into existence. Your resources are unlimited, and nothing is too hard for You.
Surely the God who parted the Red Sea and allowed the children of Israel to walk across on dry ground, can and will be able to handle what concerns me today.
And so I wait in quietness and confidence that the good work You began in me, You are able to complete. The days I cried, “Lord please don’t give up on me,” You heard and answered those prayers. The holes I prayed for You to fill in my soul, You did!
At first I didn’t think anything was happening. Then You allowed me a moment to look back, and WOW, the distance You had brought me. My heart floods with gratitude and tears of joy fill my eyes. “You hadn’t given up on me and You were faithful even though at times I wasn’t!”
Your word tells me that You know my frame , that I am but dust. You know my weaknesses and limitations. Who better to know this, after all You created me.
You have brought more goodness and blessings to my life than I could have imagined and I believe more will come. Scripture tells me, “No good thing will He withhold from him whose walk is blameless.”
Again ,Your word tells me, “”If we know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him.” I have experienced Your goodness,Oh Lord, and am thankful.
There are still things I would like to see different in my life but You are teaching me to be in the moment and be thankful. You and I as one, equal wholeness and meaning. Just as labor brings forth the birth of the beautiful child and death brings forth the beauty of heaven, the pain I endured brought forth the beauty You placed in me.
Almost every day I pray for you to reveal humor in my day, Godly humor. And You have given me much to laugh about. It feels good to laugh again. I am forever grateful.
My life is not finished yet and there most certainly will be other difficulties to face, for such is the essence of life. But I will remember Your faithfulness in dark and desperate times and know again You are walking with me, true to Your promise to never leave me or forsake me.
From your child with deepest gratitude.