musings of a hopefilled soul

Journey of Life

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Starry eyed dreams of love in my youth

Beckoned me to marriage with grandiose illusions

Fluttery feelings carrying us,

At least that’s what I thought.

Time passes, things change,

And I thought it was normal, and some of it was.

Making a living, having babies and watching them grow

Consumed hours of the day

I, in my own little world.

You, often gone with your work.

I focused on myself.

Extra duties fell my way as I managed your absence.

I didn’t see it, or did I, and close my eyes?

Finding truth is a painful contest!

Alarmingly, one day, you were revealed!

Harmful behaviors damaged our family.

Our worlds were devastated, shattered.

Even self-deception could not have imagined this scenario.

You were not, AT ALL, who I thought you were!

21 years it took to show the real you.

Painfully, we picked up the pieces

Our lives, dramatically different.

We moved on from each other

And life brought love again to my life

And I am grateful.

But our children…

Are they really ok?

Even as adults, the pain devastated them.

Their world tilted, stability, dealt a deadly blow.

The pain of actions leaving scars for a lifetime.

Guilt for not seeing the real you

Became a frequent visitor at my door.

My self-seeking comfort had been a trade-off

With lives at stake.

I look back with regrets,

But little good that brings.

Unchangeable actions took place

Guilt and remorse cannot transform the past.

So we grow stronger,

Talk about it,

Get help to cope differently.

We choose civility for our children’s sake

Not attacking their other parent.

To do so would bring more shame

And there is already plenty to go around.

Marks, still healing,

Have left anesthetized areas in our lives.

You have to “feel it to heal it,” they say,

So we continue to work on becoming healthier

Communicating more effectively,

It’s not perfect, but better.

Move forward!

Be there for each other, listen and hear, and respond

Be healthy!

Don’t visit the past too often,

It will deplete your energy for the future.

Seek to know better and then do better.

It’s all a journey, this thing called life.

And none of us get ALL of it right.

Lynn Radke June 12, 2012

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Comments on: "Journey of Life" (6)

  1. Penescapes said:

    Conciliation is a growth process. This brought it all together for some of us….well done…

  2. The pain of loss and the spectre of lingering doubt is strong in this. I applaud your work, while I grieve the hurt that brought you to this point.

    • We all encounter difficulties in life that God brings us to and through. May we then be a comfort to others struggling in life! Thanks for the comment.

  3. This is profound. Brought tears and goosebumps. Beautifully written and thought provoking… Thank you so much for sharing this work of wisdom.

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