Starry eyed dreams of love in my youth
Beckoned me to marriage with grandiose illusions
Fluttery feelings carrying us,
At least that’s what I thought.
Time passes, things change,
And I thought it was normal, and some of it was.
Making a living, having babies and watching them grow
Consumed hours of the day
I, in my own little world.
You, often gone with your work.
I focused on myself.
Extra duties fell my way as I managed your absence.
I didn’t see it, or did I, and close my eyes?
Finding truth is a painful contest!
Alarmingly, one day, you were revealed!
Harmful behaviors damaged our family.
Our worlds were devastated, shattered.
Even self-deception could not have imagined this scenario.
You were not, AT ALL, who I thought you were!
21 years it took to show the real you.
Painfully, we picked up the pieces
Our lives, dramatically different.
We moved on from each other
And life brought love again to my life
And I am grateful.
But our children…
Are they really ok?
Even as adults, the pain devastated them.
Their world tilted, stability, dealt a deadly blow.
The pain of actions leaving scars for a lifetime.
Guilt for not seeing the real you
Became a frequent visitor at my door.
My self-seeking comfort had been a trade-off
With lives at stake.
I look back with regrets,
But little good that brings.
Unchangeable actions took place
Guilt and remorse cannot transform the past.
So we grow stronger,
Talk about it,
Get help to cope differently.
We choose civility for our children’s sake
Not attacking their other parent.
To do so would bring more shame
And there is already plenty to go around.
Marks, still healing,
Have left anesthetized areas in our lives.
You have to “feel it to heal it,” they say,
So we continue to work on becoming healthier
Communicating more effectively,
It’s not perfect, but better.
Be there for each other, listen and hear, and respond
Don’t visit the past too often,
It will deplete your energy for the future.
Seek to know better and then do better.
It’s all a journey, this thing called life.
And none of us get ALL of it right.
Lynn Radke June 12, 2012